Color pencil on paper, 2015. Sold.
Sometimes when I doubt myself and feel like a total loser, I have to remind myself of all the things I have accomplished in life.
I went from a miserable 16 year old to a flourishing young man when I was accepted into an art school after ninth grade. A few years later I went on to create music, writing songs to deal with the pain of losing my mother to mental illness and suicide.
I dreamed of recording an album and play the music festivals and with hard work and a little bit of luck and people who believed in me, I did all that; I released a total of 5 full length albums and a bunch of EP’s, toured a lot and played at all those festivals I dreamed of, did music videos, radio, TV and loads and loads of interviews with newspapers and magazines.
I want to believe that all that mattered, not just to me, but to those who bought my records, those who listened and came to the shows.
Still, to this day, I get emails from people who loves my music and it’s the most incredible feeling when they tell me stories from their own lives and how my songs helped them get through things. I think that because my songs were so personal, they touched the listener deeply; I have had many people tell me how my songs put them in touch with their own emotions and helped them deal with loss of a close friend or family member and it is THE most awarding feeling to hear their stories!
In another adventure, my wife and I moved to the US, starting a new life from scratch and we have struggled for years and years now. My wife being chronically ill has made everything even tougher and at the time of writing this, we are in the deepest financial crisis of our life, not sure how to put food on the table from one day to the next.
When I question myself, my choices in life and the roads I have taken, I always come to the same conclusion; I don’t really have any regrets.
I am happy and proud of who I am and what I have done. Do I wish things were different for us? Sure, absolutely – the constant financial struggle is unbelievably tough and it wears you down so hard, especially when the one you love is struggling and there’s nothing you can do to help…
But I have to believe that there’s a way out of it.
I have to believe that eventually, there will be a light at the end of the long tunnel we’re in right now…
And so I keep going to work every day, doing my best.
I keep working on my art, learning something new with every new drawing.
I keep treating others with love and respect, as I know we don’t know what others are going through on a daily basis…
And somewhere in the back of my head, I think that I will make music again, some day.